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The death of Craigslist January 22, 2011

Posted by Leah in Craigslust.
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Slut for cock – w4m

I’m a submissive woman in search of no strings attached casual kink. I want a sexual adventure. Most likely, this will be a one night stand, but depending on how things go, a fuck buddy arrangement could be possible. I am uninhibited in bed. I enjoy rough sex and get off on pain. You should try to break me. You should use my body. Treat me like a rag doll. Play with your new fuck-toy. Put me through my paces. Exert your power and dominance over me. Claim each of my three holes for yourself. They exist for your pleasure. Make me work for my orgasms. In the process, have me believe that I am every inch your slut. I want to be taken. I want to be shaped. I want to be fucked.

Please send a scenario for a play date. If you have a fantasy you want to accomplish, tell it to me. Be specific. Be literate. Bad writing is a turn-off. If your indecent proposal resonates, I will be in touch.

I am looking for a partner who is intelligent, witty, and creative. To get into my pants, first you must get into my head. Impress me with your mind. It helps if you also make me laugh. Age, race, and national origin are not relevant considerations. Physical attraction matters. Include face and body pictures in your reply. You should be clothed. While I may want to see your genitals in my inbox, I don’t need to see them there right now. I will assume the plumbing works as it should.

I posted the ad with minor variations to the casual encounters board several times. Each attempt ghosted. Craigslist said the ad had posted and gave me the url, but it never appeared in the listing. I changed my dummy e-mail address and login and tried again. This time the ad appeared and stayed up for nearly two hours. I received fifteen replies in this time.

My post provided a template for a response. A third of the guys didn’t follow directions and either attached no photo at all or a penis picture. Two of these asked if I was for real. Another five were too brief to convey intent. Two more were form letters that I had seen before. One recognized me from the blog and offered good luck. The two semi-legitimate replies didn’t interest. I considered them briefly only because the other options were so much worse. I could have reposted, but instead I abandoned the effort.

An ad yielding no dates would have been unthinkable one year ago in Boston. Craigslist has been on a precipitous decline for many months. I am not imagining this. Liz Doherty, Amber Alert, and Bareback Grrl have also documented the sorry state of the list.

I suspect that some of the flagging is due to men attempting to kill a post in order to stave off competition after they have responded. It’s a counterproductive strategy, but at least there is a rationale. I think this is an effect at the margins, however. Possibly readers might mistake my ad for a professional service and report it. But I don’t expect this to be the case as the tone of an escort ad is quite different. By far the largest problem seems to be men who flag ads to prevent w4m classifieds from appearing at all. I don’t know whether this is some disgruntled guy who isn’t getting any and acts to prevent others from enjoying success. I don’t know if it is some moralist. London is certainly awash in m4m ads. Maybe the men looking for this are also the ones flagging w4m posts. I have heard anecdotally that the better written m4w ads suffer the same fate. This could be an instance of Gresham’s Law in action.

The fact is that I am being driven out. Other women are as well. And so too are the partners who we seek.

I am an opportunist. I can find casual sex without much difficulty. I employ Craigslist to acquire kink. This tactic is no longer effective. I need to try something else. But there isn’t an alternative that occupies the same niche. So I am at a loss. Advice is appreciated.

Comments»

1. kfkfj - January 23, 2011

It’s software driven. They sell sniper programs/services for flagging CL posts. Why, and what for, who knows?

I will say though, having glanced at the other blogs you linked to, their attitude towards the men might play a small role. You seem a lot more open minded, and respectful.

Leah - January 23, 2011

I suspect you’re correct: the flagging is software driven. At least part of this software must be Craigslist’s own. I can’t otherwise explain how ads ghost. The reporting of ads as spam or prohibited may additionally stem from the sniper programs you mention.

Regarding the blogs I highlighted: I enjoy reading them. We have different attitudes and are not clones. This is as it should be. The atlas of sex blogs is large nowadays and the topography is varied. Readers should find the places they like to visit.

In order to avoid hijacking the comment thread on Liz’s blog, I will respond here to your suggestion that I look at m4w ads. For my part, I’d rather post an ad and choose a suitable partner from the replies than do the reverse. In the former instance, I feel I have a better perspective on who the possible play dates are and waste less time on the effort of selection. The dynamics of the casual encounters marketplace mean that there are always more men looking than women. When I respond to an ad, nearly always the guy will want to have sex and say what he thinks I want to hear in order to make this happen. The filtering process for a good match becomes more difficult. Moreover, guys I communicate with and find unsuitable won’t leave me alone. Still, if I keep using CL, what you propose might be the best tactic left.

kfkfj - January 23, 2011

so your ideal methodology for using the site has changed, but the opportunities to meet men remain. less convenient for you, maybe, but it’s still functional for a woman to respond to ads. chances are the man isn’t sifting through multiple replies, so if you reply to an ad that suits you, the ball is still in your court to decide if he fits your filters. men on the other hand have a lot of spam to read, and about .00005 seconds to reply before an ad is vanished by the bots.

2. M of M - January 23, 2011

When I lived in London a few years back, there use to be a big classified site called “The Gumtree”. It was intended for ex-pats, but everyone used it. It was bigger then craigslist at that point. Too bad I was too shy to attempt anything other then apartment hunting back then.

As far as the perpetrators go, I suspect religious or “moralist” people with an axe to grind. A friend of mine even confessed to me that she has flagged ads on Craigslist for fun, since her boyfriend, quote: “cheated on me with a girl from the internet”.

Leah - January 23, 2011

Gumtree no longer supports personal ads. It hasn’t for over a year — i.e. for as long as I have been in London. This is a pity as an alternative to CL would have been nice.

3. First Great Western Employee - January 23, 2011

Tried the paid ones? E.g. alt.com

Leah - January 23, 2011

I haven’t. People tell me that the paid ones really aren’t that much better. As well, I think an ad site rather a profile site is better for my purposes.

4. Innocent Loverboy - January 23, 2011

I’ve used Craigslist a lot. It’s never really come to anything. I found two young ladies willing to meet up with me. One was a hookup that didn’t result in sex (as extraneous circumstances led her to having to leave), and one was perhaps the worst sex I ever had, with a rather cold, uncaring girl.

Problem is, paid sites, such as adultfriendfinder.com, wildmatch.com and alt.com are just as bad. For boys, anyway. I don’t know about girls. I was attempting to write a exposé about these sites (but never got around to it) – most of the replies I get from Craigslist and all the replies I’ve ever got from Gumtree end up linking to a site for which you have to pay, “for verification purposes”. I may be silly, but I’m not stupid.

I suspect it is easier for girls to get deluges of replies from posts on Craigslist. I certainly never get any, and yet I still put quite a lot of effort into my posts and replies to ladies who seem interesting. It’s the luck of the draw, it’s the many hundreds of ads from desperate men which bury mine into oblivion, it’s the fact that I appear pretty much unattractive. I don’t know what it is. It just doesn’t work for me.

Even if I do offer to chat, trade pictures, and pay for a meal and a hotel room. Still nothing.

But for all that, Craigslist is free, easy to access, easy to read, and has kept its NSA personal section open when others, like Gumtree, have closed theirs. And it’s got to work for someone… otherwise nobody would use it any more, at all!

5. Lex - January 24, 2011

fetlife perhaps?

Leah - January 24, 2011

I have received this suggestion from others as well. I should look into it.

I prefer an ad to a profile though. Do you or others have experience with fetlife?

Amber Alert - January 24, 2011

I haven’t had any success with Fetlife. There is a sizable kink community in my city, but I’m not interested in joining. I prefer the anonymity and ease of CL by far. That said: FetLife has been helpful for searching out advice on very specific kink topics. Their forums are an interesting read.

Leah - January 25, 2011

Thanks for the report.

I have an account, but I haven’t done much with it. I suppose I should poke around at least.

6. Proof that Craigslist is Dead in San Francisco « - January 25, 2011

[…] on CL as a place to find sex or more serious connections in San Francisco.  My playful friends in London and Boston can cite similar observations in those cities.  CL is no longer a place for a real […]

7. Anon - January 31, 2011

Try reddit.com/r/sex – its free, people are smart and they should follow directions. Actually, it’s where I found your blog.

Leah - January 31, 2011

Thanks for the pointer, Anon.

8. Anonymous chap - February 3, 2011

This is the kind of ad I would reply to if I saw. I can’t remember if I did, but perhaps you can tell from my email address? Anyway, if you still have the email, I wondered if you could tell me what put you off?

CL is working for me only sporadically, and before I give up entirely, it would be good to see what I can do myself to make it more worth my time. It might help a few others too…

Thanks!

Leah - February 3, 2011

Thanks for the comment.

I don’t believe we have been in communication previously.

9. graphic - March 23, 2011

I’ve had similar experiences with Craigslist ads. Mine are ghosted almost immediately, and I gave up.

The one time an ad did stay up longer than an hour, I got an overwhelming number of replies. I had about four that I considered suitable or better. Two flaked on meeting. Two were so inconvenient to schedule with that I gave up.

You said you prefer not to have a profile, but I signed up for OKC recently. All four of the potential partners who passed muster had accounts there, and all four were very high matches. It makes me optimistic for that site.

Leah - March 23, 2011

Though I don’t like profile sites, I do have an account on OKCupid, where I have listed casual sex among my interests. I have been on a couple of dates, but there was never any chemistry. I haven’t logged on in a while. Being single may inspire me to have another look.

10. Dukeluke - April 21, 2011

All i can say is that Craigslist is the biggest junk folder in the world. Sending a tailored, well written mail and I am not unattaractive – produces a very large void in response apart from; spam, pros and guys. I had had some succesful times – but alas no more. I can assure you that AFF is also a waste of time, though I may have a a glimour of hope post Easter. Swingingheaven has produced results in the past but now I just prefer going to such clubs as Torture Garden and hanging out with the common people (well the deviant kinky people) and making things happen from there.

11. Jon - June 17, 2011

I share your frustration Leah…I made a good Internet friend or two on CL, an online kinky playfriend, but no-one willing to meet. Perhaps I am too subtle and start too slowly. Sometimes a needle can be found in a haystack so I remain ever hopeful. Fet is interesting but again most people appear to keep it online…

Great blog, at least what I have read to date has been fascinating, keep up the good play!

12. Rj - April 21, 2014

Hey still looking?

Leah - April 25, 2014

Not here.

Thanks for reading though.

13. Sarah - May 9, 2016

I just stumbled on your blog and I can’t stop reading…. I sure wish I lived loser.

Leah - May 16, 2016

Thanks for reading!


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