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Promiscuity explained November 15, 2010

Posted by Leah in Gallimaufry.

A reader asks why I have so many casual hookups.

Sex is fun. I enjoy the process of discovering a partner. I find a new cock thrilling even when it’s only for a night.

He continues: do you fear commitment? Isn’t sex a big deal? What’s wrong with monogamy?

I don’t shun commitment. I have a boyfriend. Long distance sucks, but we are still together. My boyfriend’s attitude toward sex and kink mirrors my own. Neither of us feel that at this point in our lives we benefit from absolute exclusivity.

In a way, sex is always the big deal. We are naked and exposed with our insecurities visible, and we find an embrace anyway. We share our bodies and desires and accept what the other person offers in return. Sex is the collaborative dance, its steps invented anew each time. It’s a conversation, with the secrets laid bare. In another way, sex is no big deal at all. It’s that natural thing people do to acquire the pleasure it brings. It can’t be done alone. We need a partner to have the give and take, so we choose someone we like. Though it’s a conversation instead of a monologue, the patterns are familiar ones, and we know what happens. Sex is a moment in time that leaves the rest of the world in abeyance, so it is deeply, intensely personal for that. But this moment passes, life resumes, and most often we are not changed. So it is also nothing special.

I have no argument with anyone who prefers a monogamous arrangement. It happens not to be my choice right now. It might never be.

I think of it this way. Wouldn’t it be absurd if you were told that you could only laugh with one other person? Replace laugh with orgasm. They are both expressions of pleasure. What’s the difference?


1. Bill - November 16, 2010

Fuuuuck Leah! That last story was the tits!
You have an amazing perspective on sex, what do you attribute your enlightenment to? And why do you think there aren’t more kinky girls like you out there? Is it just social pressure?
It would be amazing if there were more kinkists, the world would be very different place. I hope your blog awakens and inspires all who read it. It gives me hope that there are chicks like you out there.
Keep spreading your gospel of kink. You are a fantasy to men and a role model for women.

Leah - November 16, 2010

I won’t claim enlightenment. Twenty years from now I could look back at the slut phase of my life with profound embarrassment.

There are plenty of kinky and promiscuous women. I know I am not unique. Many people choose serial monogamy because that is our culture. Indeed, getting to know one person really well can be the adventure of a lifetime. My parents have been together for more than three decades. They are happy. I don’t insist my choices are better. The risks of promiscuity entail dipping into the reservoir of luck, which may run dry one day.

The point of the post is explanation, not advocacy. People should make decisions about how they live consistent with their situations, their ideals, and their aspirations.

2. redains - November 16, 2010

Go to
for the scientific take on promiscuity.

“Coolidge” indeed means President Coolidge. There is one pretty good laugh in it.

3. Bill - November 16, 2010

I agree there are plenty of kinky and promiscuous women out there, but not like you.
Most I’ve encountered are damaged, and do not know why they do what they do, or even of it is for there own enjoyment. Maybe you are the same, but I don’t think so.
You are a rare creature that is self aware of her dark side and embrace it.  
And wether you like it or not, your sordid tales are alluring and give the rest of us monogamous plebs hope that relationships like yours work and are possible. 
Keep it up, you dirty slut.

4. Innocent Loverboy - November 16, 2010

Promiscuity is best explained in the song “Promiscuity” by The Scaffold.

Promiscuity, Promiscuity,
It isn’t a sin or a vice.
I don’t really know if it’s good for me…
I just do it because it is nice!

5. A.M.G. - November 16, 2010

As a female reader of your blog can I just say THANKYOU! I feel the same way and didn’t know how to say it.

Leah - November 16, 2010

Thank you for reading and commenting. I am glad to know that there are other women who agree. Well met!

Leah - November 17, 2010

Most of the comments as well as the majority of my correspondence is with men. This may be the prevailing demographic of the readership. If you are a female reader, I would love to hear from you. Please say hello.

6. Juju - November 19, 2010

Hiya, I’ve dropped by your blog a few times via Fleshbot and I wanted to answer yes to every point you made. I too am in a similar situation: long-distance boyfriend who is accepting of my polyamorous ways. I do miss the thrill of flings; as of late, though the hookups get me soaked, I’ve been bored with their predictability. Anyways, I’m always happy to read about your experiences and careful introspective view. Your blog is hardly cliched…an achievement of your writing skills. – a female fan

Leah - November 19, 2010

I am glad to hear from another woman who finds herself in a similar situation. It’s as well reassuring to have someone agree with me.

Thanks also for the kind words about the writing.

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