jump to navigation

Promiscuity explained November 15, 2010

Posted by Leah in Gallimaufry.

A reader asks why I have so many casual hookups.

Sex is fun. I enjoy the process of discovering a partner. I find a new cock thrilling even when it’s only for a night.

He continues: do you fear commitment? Isn’t sex a big deal? What’s wrong with monogamy?

I don’t shun commitment. I have a boyfriend. Long distance sucks, but we are still together. My boyfriend’s attitude toward sex and kink mirrors my own. Neither of us feel that at this point in our lives we benefit from absolute exclusivity.

In a way, sex is always the big deal. We are naked and exposed with our insecurities visible, and we find an embrace anyway. We share our bodies and desires and accept what the other person offers in return. Sex is the collaborative dance, its steps invented anew each time. It’s a conversation, with the secrets laid bare. In another way, sex is no big deal at all. It’s that natural thing people do to acquire the pleasure it brings. It can’t be done alone. We need a partner to have the give and take, so we choose someone we like. Though it’s a conversation instead of a monologue, the patterns are familiar ones, and we know what happens. Sex is a moment in time that leaves the rest of the world in abeyance, so it is deeply, intensely personal for that. But this moment passes, life resumes, and most often we are not changed. So it is also nothing special.

I have no argument with anyone who prefers a monogamous arrangement. It happens not to be my choice right now. It might never be.

I think of it this way. Wouldn’t it be absurd if you were told that you could only laugh with one other person? Replace laugh with orgasm. They are both expressions of pleasure. What’s the difference?