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The content of their character October 24, 2010

Posted by Leah in Gallimaufry.

A reader asks: do you ever fuck black guys?

I deliberately avoid documenting the race and ethnicity of my sexual partners. When I allude to these points — most often, I hope, in an if you’re not reading carefully, you won’t notice sort of way — it is because the contrast between my partner and myself was momentarily striking and the mental image of the difference registered later as I set fingers to keyboard to capture the experience.

As I state in several of my CL ads, I don’t use race, ethnicity, or age as filters in selecting partners. Literacy and intelligence and attitude and imagination and good conversation and having an intriguing life and a sense of humor and a curiosity about kink are sufficiently many character traits to localize in one person without demanding more. With zero exception, however, I need to be attracted physically to proceed to bed. Conventional good looks help, but there are enough deviations in my taste that I can’t point to a physical type. While I sometimes want a huge cock and unending stamina, these are not necessary criteria either. Competence in bed and the ability to dominate a willful personality sexually exist separately from the attributes of the genitalia. Race and ethnicity neither contribute to nor subtract from the balance.

I make no claim to being free of unconscious biases in the choices I make. Who we find attractive is shaped by our social influences and also the kinds of people with whom we interact regularly and form friendships. I like to believe I run with a diverse crowd and that skin color and nationality don’t inform who I date.

To answer the question directly, yes: I have fucked black guys. I prefer to formulate this differently, however. I have fucked guys who I found interesting whose skin tone happens to be a darker shade than mine. I have assumed the submissive role with them. It has happened in London. I won’t say who. I am not going to catalog my lovers this way or indulge in stereotypes.