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Questions and answers August 3, 2010

Posted by Leah in Autobiography.
11 comments

A reader (one of the same ones as before) sends in many questions. I don’t have the patience to answer them all. Here are selected replies.

1. How old were you when you lost your virginity?

Virginity is, in my opinion, an outdated concept. It is not a possession to be hoarded. There’s no value to keeping it. Ideally, we start having sex when we are ready.

My first oral happened when I was 14. My first intercourse happened when I was 15. My first time with a girl happened when I was 17.

The oral sex took place at a friend’s birthday party. We were unsupervised by adults. It started off as a game of truth or dare and degenerated from there. In an upstairs bedroom, I masturbated a boy I had a crush on through his pants. He fished out his cock and asked me to touch it. I had seen porn. The handjob turned into a blowjob. Putting the cock in my mouth was entirely my decision. Despite seeing and reading about it and practicing on bananas, I had no idea what I was doing. I just held the penis over my tongue and bobbed my head slightly. It didn’t take much for him to come. The orgasm took me by surprise. I gagged. But I also managed to swallow most of the semen. We were incredibly shy around each other for months afterwards. When we were both in college, we hooked up again. The second time was much better.

The first intercourse took place on a weekday afternoon. The boy was my age and also hadn’t gone all the way. He and I had his house to ourselves during spring break. We ended up naked on his bed. The sex lasted two or three minutes at the most. He was on top and grunted and humped over me and finally convulsed. There was no blood — a dildo had taken care of my hymen long before. Stupidly, we didn’t use a condom. I was terrified for a long week until my period arrived on schedule.

I dated a girl for a few months in high school. I am not sure my family knew we were having sex, but coming out as bisexual to them was easy. I am lucky.

2. How many partners have you had?

I lost track in the high teens during my freshman year of college. I have been keeping statistics here in London. Extrapolating these numbers, the total must be well over a hundred. What can I say? I am a slut.

5. What is your favourite position?

The one with a cock inside me.

7. How did you get to be good at sex?

Practice. How else? Between my sophomore and junior years of high school, I had a sort of boyfriend, who was two years older. We messed around pretty much every weekday during the summer. We taught each other. He was particular about oral sex. I owe my skills as a fellatrix to him. He was also the first guy I had in my ass. My first non-masturbatory orgasms were with him as well. We hooked up again the following two summers but have since lost touch. I wonder how he is sometimes.

In college, a girlfriend and I visited sex clubs. I then played privately with a number of older dominant men. This was my initiation to kink.

9. When did you discover you were submissive?

Same partner as in #7: I always liked that he overpowered me physically during sex. I suppose this was my first submissive experience, though I didn’t call it that. From the beginning, I enjoyed giving pleasure with my body as much as I enjoyed taking it. Submissiveness is an extension of that. I realized as an undergraduate that I liked having new sexual experiences thrust upon me and that I got off on stuff that might be termed kinky. I liked being the obedient girl who surrenders herself sexually to a man. I liked having the endorphin rush of a hard spanking. I liked not having control during sex. The mental response to being suddenly submerged in subspace, the enhancement of the senses, the heightening of my awareness was overwhelming the first time it happened. I have been chasing these sensations ever since.

It took me most of college to justify myself to me. There is no contradiction between feminism and wanting the D/s interaction within sex. Being promiscuous isn’t immoral. Pleasure isn’t wrong. I am no less independent or intelligent for choosing to play as I do. In deciding who my partners are, I look for people who demonstrate respect for me as person rather than regarding me as a convenient set of holes. I may like to submit sexually, but I am not an inferior class of human. This isn’t a lifestyle for me.

14. What is the kinkiest thing you have ever done?

Kink is in the eye of the beholder. For me, I would say it was an incident that happened about a year ago. A regular lover with whom I have been playing for months and had established rapport and trust had me fellate a gun. I had never before touched a firearm. He bade me go on my knees. He placed a condom over the barrel and held it to me at head height. He had me suck it the way I sucked his cock. I touched my lips to it from below. I let my tongue run over the shaft. I licked his fingers. Eventually, I had the gun in my mouth to the trigger. Later, he fucked me with the gun and masturbated me to orgasm.

16. What is the most memorable sex you have had?

It might be in the current boyfriend’s parents’ back yard last summer. He staked me to the ground spread-eagle. My arms and legs were stretched apart. He smeared the sunblock over my skin, and I stayed that way for hours in the hot afternoon sun wearing only a pair of sunglasses. To cool me down, he used the garden hose. He thrust the nozzle against my cunt. He stuffed my underwear in my mouth, taping it shut so that I couldn’t scream when he whipped me. He stuck various things into my pussy: vibrators, dildos, ice cubes, his cock, of course. Clothespins ringed my breasts. He had me piss myself.

Whenever he had to take a leak, he went on my body. He urinated on my legs. Starting at my feet, he brought the stream up the calves and thighs. He tinkled on each of my arms separately. He irrigated my breasts. The pee puddled over my body, pooling at the sternum and the clavicle and where the navel indents. It evaporated from my skin. I smelled it in the air around me. Holding the pussy lips open, he sent the flow of his urine into my cunt. He pissed over my face. I had it in my eyes and hair. Later, he peeled off the tape around my head, brought the cock to my lips, and had me drink direct from the faucet. It went into my parched throat. I gulped it down. The boyfriend marked me as his territory with urine as animals do. The idea turned me on then, as it was happening. The memory of it lingers. It still turns me on.